Nice Tits
A tribute to (the now sadly defunct) nice-tits.org
This page provides an opportunity to reflect on the unsung heroes of the web, those comedians that are neither rich nor famous yet in their way found the web an ideal medium to express their slant on life. Raise a glass to nice-tits wherever they are found.
When nice-tits.org was on the web it regularly topped every search index for the term nice tits
- no, I'm not gonna tell how I know - bringing a laugh with it. ok, maybe it is pre-adolescant schoolboy humour, but nonetheless raised a laugh.
Lots of tits
What is the collective noun for tits?
Blue Tit
[Parus caeruleus]
Recognition: Lacks a black crown. The crown is bright blue, the mantle yellowish-green, and the underparts sulphur-yellow.
Size: 4 1/2 inches
Population and distribution: Abundant. Distributed throughout British Isles.
Habitat: Woods and copses, mainly deciduous, and parks, gardens, orchards, hedgerows, thickets.
Habits: Short flights and hops on ground.
Feeding: Insects, some spiders, millipedes; fruit, grain, seeds
Nesting: In holes of trees and walls. Lays 7-14 eggs. Incubation for 13-14 days.
Calls: Variety. 'Tsee-tsee-tsee, tsit (early spring), and 'tsee-tsee-tsee'.
More info on blue tits
Bearded Tit
[Panarus biarmicus]
Recognition: Predominantly tawny-brown. The male has a striking lavender-grey head pattern, with a broad, tapering moustachial stripe of glossy black.
Size: 6 1/2 inches; tail about 3 inches.
Population and distribution: Spread to Scotland and Ireland. In England spread very locally.
Habitat: Extensive reed-beds.
Habits: Flight is rather laboured, and slightly undulating, with rapid whirring wing-action - usually just over tops of reeds. Head moves up and down in jerky action.
Feeding: Insects; seeds of reeds in winter.
Nesting: Among sedge, reeds, or other acquatic vegetation. Lays 5-7 eggs, usually in mid-April. Incubation is 12-13 days.
Calls: Distinctive ringing, vibrant 'ping ping', less distinctive 'tice'.
More info on bearded tits
Long-Tailed Tit
[Aegithalos caudatus]
Recognition: Small size, very long narrow tail, distinctive combination of blackish, pink and dull white in plumage.
Size: 5 1/2 inches; tail 3 inches
Population and distribution: Distributed in most parts of British Isles.
Habitat: Hedgerows, thickets and bushy places.
Habits: Laboured flight, with rapidly moving wings.
Feeding: Insects, spiders, small molluscs, earthwoms; also fruit, peas, seeds and buds.
Nesting: In thorn bushes, furze or brambles, or trees of 30-70 feet. Lays 8-12 eggs in mid to late April. Incubation for 14-18 days.
Calls: Low, abrupt 'tupp'; also a thin 'zee-zee-zee'.
More info on long tailed tits
Marsh Tit
[Parus palustris]
Recognition: Same size as Coal Tit, distinguished by absence of white patch on nape, brown upper-parts, absence of wing-bars. Very similar to Willow Tit.
Size: 4 1/2 inches.
Population and distribution: Widespread in England and Wales. Not in Ireland.
Habitat: Woods, mainly deciduous.
Habits: Laboured flight, with rapidly moving wings.
Feeding: Insects mainly; also seeds, beechmast, berries
Nesting: In natural holes of willows, alders, etc. Lays 7-8 eggs end of April or early May. Incubation for 16-17 days.
Calls: 'Pitchuu'; also a 'tsee-tsee-tsee' and harsh nasal 'tchaa-tchaa-tchaa-tchaa...'
More info on marsh tits
Willow Tit
[Parus montanus]
Recognition: Closely resembles Marsh Tit, with main difference being in notes. Distinguished also by a light patch on the secondaries in the closed wing.
Size: 4 1/2 inches.
Population and distribution: Widespread in England and Wales. Not in Ireland.
Habitat: Marshy spots, also damp woods and copses.
Habits: Laboured flight, with rapidly moving wings.
Feeding: Insects mainly; also seeds, beechmast, berries
Nesting: In hole excavated by birds themselves in soft rotten wood. Lays 8-9 eggs end of April or early May. Incubation for 13-14 days.
Calls: Thin, sibilant 'eex-eex-eex', thin, high-pitched 'zi-zi-zi', 'zit-zit-zit-zit', 'zi-zurr-zurr-zurr'.
More info on willow tits
Crested Tit
[Parus cristatus]
Recognition: Pointed crest, dull whitish with black centres. Also a characteristic trilling note.
Size: 4 1/2 inches
Population and distribution: Distributed throughout British Isles, more especially in wooded parts.
Habitat: Pine forests - also some birch, alder.
Habits: Short flights and hops on ground.
Feeding: Insects and larvae; pine seeds and berries.
Nesting: In holes or crevices in old and decayed pine stumps. Lays 5-6 eggs in late April, early May. Incubation for 13-15 days.
Calls: Lively, rather low, purring trill.
More info on crested tits
Coal Tit
[Parus ater]
Recognition: Large white patch on the nape. Head pattern as a Great Tit. Buff, not yellow underparts.
Size: 4 1/2 inches
Population and distribution: Distributed throughout British Isles, more especially in wooded parts.
Habitat: Woods, gardens and copses, mainly conifers.
Habits: Short flights and hops on ground.
Feeding: Insects, some spiders; some seeds.
Nesting: In holes close to ground or old stumps. Lays 7-11 eggs in late April, early May. Incubation for 17-18 days.
Calls: Sweeter than other tits. Most common is 'tsuu'. Also a thin 'Tsee-tsee-tsee'. Song is 'teechu-teechu-teechu'.
More info on coal tits
Great Tit
[Parus major]
Recognition: Small, plump, thick-necked, stumpy-billed birds. Glossy blue-black crown and nape. Broad black band down the centre of a sulphur-yellow underpart. Mantle is yellowish-green.
Size: 5 1/2 inches
Population and distribution: Distributed throughout British Isles.
Habitat: Woods and copses - usually deciduous or mixed, and gardens, orchards, hedgerows, thickets.
Habits: Short flights and hops on ground.
Feeding: Insects, spiders, small molluscs, earthwoms; also fruit, peas, seeds and buds.
Nesting: In holes of trees or walls. Lays 5-11 eggs in late April, early May. Incubation for 13-14 days.
Calls: Most varied of all tits. Fuller and louder, with metallic quality. Ringing Chaffinch-like 'tink, tink, tink', quick and rising 'tui, tui, tui', thin 'tsee, tsee, tsee'. Song: strongly metallic 'teechu-teechu-teechu'.
More info on great tits
Almost all work on this page is © the original authors of http://nice-tits.org (the last update appears to have been made during 2002) - their contribution to the www is herein acknowledged. More of the original work (certainly more than on this tribute page) can be found at the wayback machine. Enjoy.
If you are G.Deane, please put your site back on the web - the world is a poorer place without it.