Let's do it - Victoria Wood
Freda and Barry sat one night
The sky was clear, the stars were bright
The wind was soft, the moon was up
Freda drained her cocoa cup.
She licked her lips, she felt sublime
She switched off Gardeners' Question Time
Barry cringed in fear and dread
As Freda grabbed his tie and said
Let's do it, let's do it, do it while
the mood is right
I'm feeling appealing,
I've really got an appetite
I'm on fire with desire
I could handle half the tenors in
a male voice choir
Let's do it, let's do it, tonight.
(but he said)
I can't do it, I can't do it, I don't believe in too much sex
This fashion for passion turns us into
nervous wrecks
No derision, my decision, i'd rather watch the Spinners on the television
I can't do it, I can't do it, tonight.
(so she said)
Let's do it, let's do it, do it till our
hearts go boom
Go native, creative,
living in the living room
This folly is jolly, bend me over
backwards on the hostess trolley
Let's do it, let's do it, tonight.
I can't do it, I can't do it,
my heavy breathing days are gone
I'm older, feel colder, it's other
things that turn me on
I'm imploring, i'm boring, let me read
this catalogue on vinyl flooring
I can't do it, I can't do it, tonight.
Let's do it, Let's do it, have a
crazy night of love.
I'll strip bare, i'll just wear stilettos and an oven glove
Don't starve a girl of a palava, dangle
from the wardrobe in a balaclava
Let's do it, let's do it, tonight.
I can't do it, I can't do it,
I know I'd only get it wrong
don't angle for me to dangle,
my arms have never been that strong
Stop pouting, stop shouting, you know
I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting
I can't do it, I can't do it, tonight.
Let's do it, let's do it, share a
night of wild romance
Frenetic, poetic, this could be your
last big chance
To quote Milton, to eat stilton, to roll in gay abandon on the tufted Wilton
Let's do it, let's do it, tonight.
I can't do it, I can't do it,
i've got other little jobs on hand
Don't grouse, around the house,
I've got a busy evening planned
Stop nagging, i'm flagging, you know as
well as I do that the pipes want lagging
Can't do it, can't do it, tonight.
Let's do it, let's do it while I'm
really in the mood
Three cheers, it's years, since I caught
you even semi-nude
Get drastic, gymnastic, wear your baggy
Y-fronts with the loose elastic,
but let's do it, let's do it, tonight.
I can't do it, I can't do it, I must refuse to get undressed
I feel silly, it's too chilly to go without my thermal vest
Don't choose me, don't use me,
me mother sent a note to say you
must excuse me
I can't do it,I can't do it, tonight.
Let's do it, let's do it, I feel I must
absolutely must
I won't exempt you, want to tempt you,
want to drive you mad with lust
No cautions, just contortions, smear an
avocado on my lower portions
Let's do it, let's do it tonight.
I can't do it, I can't do it,
Its really not my cup of tea
i'm harassed, embarrassed,
I wish you hadn't picked on me
No dramas, give me my pyjamas,
the only girl I'm mad about
is Judith Chalmers
I can't do it, I can't do it, tonight.
Let's do it, let's do it, I really
want to run amok
Let's wiggle, lets jiggle, let's really make the rafters rock
Be mighty, be flighty, come and melt
the buttons on my flameproof nightie
Let's do it, let's do it, tonight,
Let's do it, let's do it,
I really want to rant and rave
Let's go 'cos I know just how I
want to behave
Not bleakly, not meekly, beat me on
the bottom with a Woman's Weekly
Let's do it, let's do it, tonight.